For the past three weeks we have studied the parables. This morning, however, I want to go in a bit of a different direction, as we turn to the story of Mary and Martha.
I like to consider myself somewhat of a student of human nature. I enjoy observing people and am fascinated by the differences in people. God must really enjoy variety, considering the many different personality types and the many varieties of temperaments. I’m going to pick on a person or two this morning to make my point. How about Mike Coleman? Mike is back at the sound desk helping with something, which is good, as he is so technically oriented. Mike is an engineer by training. When I was young, I thought about becoming an engineer, but my well-documented struggles in math kept me from achieving that career goal. Several years ago, we had to replace the alarm panel in the foyer. As we discussed the replacement in an Administration Committee meeting one evening, Mike mentioned that we needed to be sure to reset the security code. Those panels, evidently, come from the factory with a default code, and Mike told us what that code would be. I couldn’t help but wonder, who in the world knows the default security code for an alarm panel? I can tell you who does – Mike Coleman. We all have our specialties and our interests. I can tell you, for instance, that Gibson Guitars made only two cherry sunburst Les Paul Standards in 1959. I can also tell you that one of those two guitars is located in Los Angeles, as it is owned by Slash of the rock band Guns ‘N Roses. The other of those guitars was sold last spring by Gruhn’s Guitars in Nashville of $650,000 to an undisclosed buyer. I might not know anything about alarm panels, but I know a few things about guitars, because that’s an area of interest to me. Tony Carriss, who was out at Roll Forming for years, probably know everything there was to know about the equipment at that facility.
It’s likely that you are different in personality and temperament from your spouse. Tanya and I are very different in personality and temperament. Don’t ever get between Tanya and her task; I would prefer for someone to get between me and a task – don’t worry about it. Tanya is the hardest working person I know; she can squeeze ten hours of work into one hour; I can squeeze one hour of work into ten hours (should I admit that?) She moves fast and is very intense; I’m fairly laid back and move at a slow and steady pace.
The differences in people are fascinating, and they are fascinating because it is one of the ways in which God brings balance to life. This morning we are studying a passage about two sisters who were very different in personality and temperament – Mary and Martha – and those differences caused some problems.
Follow along with me as I readLuke 10:38-42 –
38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.
39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.
40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,
42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
This morning I am speaking about Finding Balance in Life. I will freely and openly admit that I am probably not the person to take advice from when it comes to finding balance. I did, after all, end up in the ER back in September because of my inability to find balance in life. So, do as I say, not as I do, okay? And, I will add, this is not a definitive list of advice about balance overall in life. I am going to speak about some lessons I find in this passage, and those lessons won’t necessarily cover ever potential situation in life.
Here are some lessons I find in this passage, when it comes to Finding Balance in Life–
We are who we are, and we should neither spiritualize the differences in who we are or overlook their potential for problems.
We don’t know a lot about Mary and Martha, as they only make a few appearances in the gospels. Besides this story, their other primary appearance is in the 11thchapter of John, which tells the story of the raising of Lazarus. Lazarus was a brother to Mary and Martha, and as is the reality with siblings, the differences between Mary and Martha really come to light in this passage. Jesus had been traveling and came to stay in Mary and Martha’s home, with his disciples. While at their home, Martha was busy with preparations, probably a meal and other matters to offer hospitality for her guests, while Mary just sat and listened to Jesus. I imagine, reading between the lines a bit, that Martha probably made some effort to express her displeasure with her sister before going to Jesus to complain. There was probably some passive-aggressive comments form Martha – no, that’s okay. I don’t really need any help. No, I’ve got this. Of course I can whip up dinner for thirteen people in a moment’s notice. No problem at all. No, don’t get up – just sit there and take it easy while I work my fingers to the bone, as usual!
Let me say this at the outset – neither Mary nor Martha are wrong in who they were as people or in personality. In terms of personality, Mary and Martha were simply who they were. Now, granted, we don’t have a lot of details about Mary and Martha, but we know enough about them to know about their basic personalities. Mary was more laid-back in nature, less inclined to worry about a schedule, and more prone to taking the backroads than the interstate. Martha, on the other hand, was a go-getter, she could push when someone needed to push, and she was the person you turned to when something needed to get done. There were probably no strangers to Martha, and she was the one who would be working from a very organized to-do list.
The same is true for us. We are who we are. If you are a morning person, you are a morning person. If you are a night person, you are a night person. If you are gregarious in personality, you are gregarious in personality. If you are reserved in personality, you are reserved in personality. Just out of curiosity, how many of you would say you are like Martha in personality? How many of you would say you are like Mary? How many of you don’t classify as either, but might be somewhere in the middle? I will say this – if you are a Martha in personality, you probably feel as though she is unfairly treated in this story. Wasn’t she simply doing what someone needed to do? I mean really, here come 13 people traipsing into your house and there are some realities that come along with that much company, isn’t there?
Think for a moment about how those differences in personality, perspective, and point of view can play out in a church setting. There are some people who are gung-ho about everything and they look very suspiciously at those who want to go a bit slower. Those who prefer careful and measured movements are suspicious about those who like to move fast, and who spend their time trying to slow things down. We spiritualize a lot of our differences and our preferences and our approaches, but they are simply that – preferences and approaches. Music and worship style – two areas of church life that have ignited more than their share of struggle – are but different preferences and approaches. Some people prefer modern praise and worship to hymns. Some people think the worst thing that ever happened to churches was putting away the hymnals and adding a band. Some churches think having a screen is an unnecessary and regrettable concession to modern technology. And on the mornings when it doesn’t work well, I agree!
Personality trait are not matters of spiritual life and death. They are what they are – they are personality traits and we should not spiritualize them to the point of seeing one of the other types as being inherently right or wrong.
Learn what is right for the moment in which you are in.
Jesus did not say that Martha’s response was, in and of itself, wrong. What Jesus was saying to her, I believe, is there are responses that are either appropriate or inappropriate depending upon the context, or the moment in which you find yourself. Martha’s response – that Mary was not helping – would not be wrong in every instance. It just happened to not be the best response in this particular situation. I don’t believe Jesus ever diminished the importance of life’s daily realities – someone has to prepare meals. Someone has to pay bills. Someone has to maintain the vehicles. Someone has to do the laundry. Someone has to help get homework done, the kids to school, and family members to doctor’s appointments. Those are important realities of daily life, but sometimes we have to discern what is right for the moment in which we find ourself.
Luke says that Martha was distracted. That word has a very particular meaning. To be distractedcan mean, in the most basic way, something that captures our attention momentarily, and in a way that doesn’t really matter – look – squirrel! If you’re out walking and are distracted in such a way, that’s no big deal. If, however, you are driving down the interstate at 80 mph, in heavy traffic, and following someone too closely when they hit their brakes, it is a very big deal to be distracted.
Martha was distractedat a time when she could – and should –have set aside certain responsibilities for what mattered more in that moment. Maybe she didn’t need to worry about fixing a meal at that moment. Maybe she could have called in an order for some pizzas.
Devotion and duty are not the same.
Have you ever been around a person who prepares for a big occasion, but nobody is happy about it because the person making the preparations makes everyone miserable? They are not taking care of people as much as they are inflicting their care upon people – I’m doing something nice for you and you better appreciate it! Because I love you! So take it and appreciate it! This is the kind of person who wants to make sure you know they are sacrificing their time to do something and you better appreciate it – I’ve slaved over a hot stove all day and you’re going to sit there and enjoy it and be happy about it because I’m so happy about it! We all know people like this; sometimes we are that person.
There is a difference between duty and devotion. Duty tends to be a cold, more lifeless form of service; devotion is a serving that comes out of love and affection and contains a joy, while duty has very little or no joy. Martha, I think, was serving out of a sense of duty, while Mary was listening out of a sense of devotion. Martha wanted to listen also, but she was pulled away by her sense of duty.
Duty carries several dangers. One is a sense of self-pity. Have you ever been in a situation where you become frustrated with others because they won’t get serious about a task? Have you poured yourself into something and others didn’t seem interested so you slip into self-pity? It goes something like this –Nobody cares like I do about this matter, or this ministry. I’m giving my time and working hard and no one else seems to care. Why can’t everyone be as righteous and dedicated as me? I guess I’ll just suffer along by myself and be unhappy about it, and I’ll make sure everyone knows how unhappy and miserable I am – but also how righteous I am – poor, poor, pitiful me.
Have you ever felt that way? Don’t let a sense of duty rob you of the joy that can be a part of life! Devotion serves and works out of a sense of love and joy, and it’s not bound up in a concern about whether or not anyone else is helping. Mary was caught up in the moment of opportunity to sit and be with Jesus and listen to him, while Martha was missing the opportunity of a lifetime. Have you noticed there seems to be an absence of joy in Martha? She comes across agitated, frustrated and angry in this passage. I don’t know if she was always that way, but she sure comes across that way in this passage.
It is very common to see the element of anger in duty. Those who are full of a sense of duty can be overcome by anger, because in their minds, others do not work as hard as they are working. You know what it is like to work hard, making preparations, and someone is sitting around “doing nothing” rather than helping. We get angry with them because they aren’t helping and we get angry because we have allowed ourselves to get in such a situation.
Martha’s frustration probably led her to make some faces, clear her throat or do other things to signal her displeasure, until finally her frustration boils over and she pours it out onto Jesus. She even gets to the point of asking Jesus if he cares. Here is a woman with a lot of nerve. This is not the only time that Martha demonstrates such nerve. It was not an informational question Martha asked, when she asked if Jesus cared. Martha is not really asking Jesus if he cares; she’s pointing her finger at him and accusing him of not being on her side. Have you ever heard some variation of that complaint? I guess you just don’t care; I guess nobody cares. I’m just trying to do what’s right, and nobody cares or appreciates what I’m trying to do. Have you ever heard that? Have you ever said that?
When our service causes us to criticize others or to feel self-pity we are on very shaky ground. Notice how Martha links Jesus care for her to doing what she wants. That is a dangerous and tragic mistake to make. Well, Lord, I didn’t get this in my life; I guess you just don’t care. As one writer said, do we ever accuse God of not caring for us because we have already decided what his care looks like?
Duty will drain our energy, our enthusiasm and our joy while devotion creates a constantly replenished source of joy and excitement and enthusiasm. The Pharisees were a great example of duty rather than devotion. They come across as hard and angry, because they were about carrying out a duty, and they were grim and unloving and unhappy about it. There is a fair measure of grim duty in some churches. Understand that I’m not saying there shouldn’t be a sense of dedication and faithfulness; what I’m talking about is the difference in the source of that dedication and faithfulness. Duty will turn it hard and cold; devotion keeps it joyful and loving.
There is a time to work, and there is a time to sit and be still.
If you are someone who is more of a sitter, someone who takes a more contemplative approach to life, it’s tempting to use this passage to prove it’s more spiritual to sit around than it is to be working. Likewise, it’s hard for a person who is active to understand the person who sits and contemplates. The person who is concerned with quiet meditation is puzzled by people who run around doing all the time. Some people will read this passage and say well, I agree with Martha; she got a bum rap here. But this is not a passage about whether it is better to be a listener or a doer, and don’t make the mistake of thinking this passage convicts either those who are the sitters or those who are the doers.
Tanya and I were talking about this passage once, and she said the church needs some of both personality types – we need some of the doers and we need some of the sitters. And she’s right. There is a time to work, but there is also a time to sit and be still. It’s not an either/or; it’s a both/and. If we were always contemplative a lot of important things would be left unfinished; but if we worked all the time there would be no time for prayer and thoughtfulness that lead us to important insights.
There is a sense of superiority in what Martha says to Jesus, and there may have been an air of superiority from Mary, thinking she was being more spiritual. But think for a moment about what was ahead for Jesus. He was not looking for a banquet; he wanted some quiet. Jesus had some difficult days ahead of him and he didn’t need a big banquet with a lot of elaborate preparations. It was not that Martha was working; Jesus says she is bothered and worried about so many things, and at that moment those were the wrong things about which to be concerned. Martha’s big mistake was this – she failed to recognize what Jesus needed at that moment. Under different circumstances her activity may have been what was called for, but not here. Martha was not thinking about what Jesus needed. If she wanted to truly minister to Jesus that’s where she should have started, with what he needed. Instead, she was imposing upon Jesus her idea of what was needed.
There is a time to be busy, but there is also a time to be still, and we need to be able to discern the difference.
Why are we so busy?
Who would like for their lives to be less busy? Let me ask you a question – what is keeping that from happening? Is it really impossible to slow our lives, or are we generating some of our business because we are running from something? Was Martha busy with her preparations because she wanted to be, or was she avoiding what Jesus might have to say to her? It is, after all, harder to hit a moving target. Maybe it was easier for Martha to be busy because it allowed her to avoid a confrontation with Jesus.
I believe there is something in each of us that Jesus wants to confront, because he wants us to be transformed. Maybe Martha was trying to avoid that confrontation. Why are we so busy? Could it be that we are trying to distract ourselves? We run and run, but we do more running than is truly necessary? My question is, from what are we running? Why are we obsessed with being busy? Is it to hide from life and what we don’t want to see about our lives?
As I said at the beginning of this message, I’m not the best person to offer advice on this topic. At the end of last September, it was just after the beginning of my message in this service that I suddenly hit a wall and could not continue. I ended up in the emergency room at Baptist East Hospital, where the attending doctor was a member at Beargrass Christian Church. He diagnosed me with exhaustion and told me I needed to slow down. I appreciated what he had to say, but as I often find to be the case with medical advice, I found myself asking, and how do I do that? In the days following I did something that I am not very good at, although I often recommend it be done by others. After talking to some friends, I called a counselor recommended to me and set up an appointment. I have referred people to counselors many times over the course of my ministry, and I tell people it will be helpful to them, but I generally do not take my own advice when it comes to seeking help. This time, however, I did, and I met weekly with a counselor through the remainder of the year. I found it very helpful to meet with someone, and the counselor helped me to understand some things about myself that I needed to understand. The harder part of the process, however, has been taking that understanding and transferring it into action. It is one thing to understand the person I am; it is something else entirely to change who I am. It has taken me 62 years to become the person I am and undoing any of that is not easy. But I do understand that God wants me to bring balance to my life, and I am working on it.
It is probably safe for me to assume that you need some balance in your life as well. Don’t fear it, and don’t hide from it – embrace it!
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