When I am not in a series of messages, I like to return to the parables, and we do so this morning as we turn to one of the most famous of the parables – the Prodigal Sons. That is not a mistake that I said sons, plural. Both of the sons were prodigals. One does not have to leave home to be a prodigal. You can be a prodigal in your own home. You can be a prodigal sitting in church. Follow along with me as I read the story from Luke 15:11-32 –
11 Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons.
12 The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
13 “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.
14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need.
15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs.
16 He longed to fill his stomach with the podsthat the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
17 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!
18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.
19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’
20 So he got up and went to his father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinnedagainst heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.
23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s havea feast and celebrate.
24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began tocelebrate.
25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing.
26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on.
27 ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’
28 “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him.
29 But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
31 “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.
32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”
Before talking about reconciliation, I thought it would be helpful to define the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. This passage certainly contains forgiveness and reconciliation, so what is the difference? Forgiveness is incredibly difficult; reconciliation even more so. With forgiveness, we can offer it and move on, without necessarily having to interact with the other person ever again. Forgiveness is a powerful act, but reconciliation is a miraculous action, as it proclaims we are willing to do the difficult – almost impossible – work of bringing healing and restoration to a relationship when it would be much, much easier to simply move on. Forgiveness is also more of an internal act. As one writer put it, to forgive is to set a prisoner free, and discover the prisoner was you. Forgiveness is an act of the will, where we make the decision to let go of a grudge, to let go of a hurt, to set aside the pain of something that someone has done to us. We can forgive anyone who has hurt us, even someone who is no longer alive. Forgiveness does not require the participation of anyone but ourselves. While forgiveness can be solitary, reconciliation requires at least two people. Reconciliation requires that we deal with another person as we seek to repair a damaged relationship.
Time limitations this morning do not, of course, allow me to answer every question that is raised by the issue of reconciliation. Our study this morning will be a rather basic view of what it means to be reconciled.
First, the sons needed to be reconciled to themselves, as do we.
That may sound a bit strange, but at some point in life we are all in need of self-reconciliation. Over the years, as I have listened to people talk about their lives, one of the most common themes is the need for reconciliation, and very often it is the need to be reconciled to one’s self – to make peace with something that has happened, what we would describe as making peace with one’s self. This was the first stage of the younger son’s journey.
The younger son would fall into the category of a phrase some of us have heard before – you were raised better than that. Have you heard that before? I sure did. It’s a way of reminding us where we come from and of the values we’ve been taught. This young man, at the beginning of the parable, is not very likeable, is he? He’s arrogant, indifferent to the feelings of others, rude, self-centered, and self-absorbed. Considering the actions of his father, it’s hard to imagine this young man was raised in the same family. His father certainly demonstrates some beautiful qualities – love, grace, acceptance, generosity, and many others. Sometimes we say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, but in the case of the younger son, the apple fell from the tree, rolled down the hill, went over a cliff, and ended up a long way from the tree and its good roots. Unfortunately, we can become so separated from the values of the faith taught to us that we are in need of reconciliation with ourselves. This young man had forsaken all the bedrock, foundational principles taught to him by his father, and his life fell apart because he had.
Have you ever noticed, as you read this story, that the father never goes after this son? Isn’t that interesting? Sometimes, we need to let people hit rock bottom. That’s really hard, isn’t it? Have you ever waited and watched for someone to hit rock bottom? Some of those rock bottoms are very far down, and the hitting of that bottom is incredibly painful. We have learned from 12-step groups that we cannot help someone until they are ready to receive help, and some people have to fall to a very deep, hard bottom before they are ready to receive help. It is a very painful process to allow a friend or loved one to hit rock bottom, but sometimes it is the most loving action we can offer. I imagine this father felt the pain of letting his son hit rock bottom. Every day, I’m sure, he wondered about this son. What is he doing? Is he all right? Am I going to get a visit one day to tell me he is gone?
Second, the sons needed to be reconciled with others, especially their family, as do we.
Take just a cursory glance at our world and what do we see? The wreckage of human relationships and the damage that comes when people cannot – or will not – be reconciled one to the other. You don’t have to leave home to be a prodigal. Some of the most fractured relationships are not ones separated by distance; some of them live under the same roof and worship under the same steeple.
I wish reconciliation could come easily, but it does not. Reconciliation is very difficult; we cannot kid ourselves that it is anything but difficult. But it is not impossible. Reconciliation can take place when we are willing to reach out our hand to another person and to let go of the bitterness that can destroy us.
Most often, reconciliation takes something that moves the heart in a very profound way. This is one of the lessons of the prodigal son – Jesus says that he came to his senses. The young man had hit rock bottom, and what a bottom it was. My family and I raised hogs for a time, when I was young, and I can tell you this – when you arrive at the point where you are envious of what pigs are eating, you are not in a good place. That was a terrible circumstance for the young man, but it is evidence of two truths – one, that hitting rock bottom will open a person’s heart and mind to reconciliation and two, you can’t ever give up on a person. The father continued, I’m sure, to look down his driveway every day, hoping and praying for the day his son would return. He never gave up hope that he and his son would be reconciled.
His hope was rewarded the day that his son returned home. The father was blessed that his son returned home and their relationship was renewed, but it is not always a guarantee that this will happen. It did not, unfortunately, happen with the older son. While the father did not go after his younger son, he did go after his older son. Verse 28 tells us the older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. This poor father; one son returns and the other is lost. Sometimes, the hurt between people is so deep that a relationship can never again be restored to what it was previously. But what reconciliation does, even when a relationship is not restored, is to remove the bitterness and anger than can destroy a person. It is tragic enough when a relationship has been destroyed; it is doubly tragic when the people involved destroy themselves by hanging onto anger, hurt, and bitterness, which is what the older son did.
Third, the sons needed to be reconciled to God, as do we all.
The father sees the younger son as more than a rebel, more than a prodigal, and more than a failure – he sees him as a person and, more importantly, as his son. How often do we allow labels to prevent us from seeing someone for who they truly are? If God has a label for us, it is child. It is not failure, it is not rebel, and it is not prodigal. The son in this parable knew he could return home, which is a beautiful testimony to the father. The young man was very fortunate to return home to a father who would welcome him, not one who would hold a grudge or be bitter towards him. This reminds us that the father is the hero and is the focus of the parable, not the prodigal. It is the father who continues to watch for his son until the day he sees him while he was still a long way off(verse 20). The father, undoubtedly, represents God and the importance of reconciliation with him.
When we think about reconciliation, one of our questions is what prompts people to seek reconciliation? Why do some people seek reconciliation, while others will never, ever seek it? In the story of the prodigal, it was, evidently, an empty stomach. After blowing through all of his money, the prodigal finds his friends are gone and he realizes he is in very bad circumstances. Hunger finally brings him to his senses. As Frank Schaeffer, in his book Patience With God, writes – the returned Prodigal finds his father’s forgiveness and love heavenly, whereas his stay-at-home “good” brother resents the lavish welcome his father is giving to his wayward, undeserving brother, who has all the wrong and bad ideas and who has [messed] up his life. The older brother’s focus is on himself and his good standing with his father. The good son finds his father’s non-judgmental forgiveness of his fallen brother [offensive]. The wayward son didn’t even have good motives for coming home! He was just hungry! He wasn’t even repenting in some spiritual way! He just wanted lunch! (Patience With God, Frank Schaeffer, pp. 222-223).
I believe Schaeffer is correct in what he writes – the prodigal came home because he was hungry. But so what? The hunger brought him home, and that is what really matters. Coming home, where he knew he would find food, also brought about reconciliation with his father. Though the prodigal didn’t come home with reconciliation on his mind, it’s what he received – along with a hot meal – and someone, after all, has to be the first to reach out and offer reconciliation. In this case, it was the father. It is a beautiful image painted by Jesus in verse 20 – so he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. It would be easy to say the father, in response to the actions of his son, should have wrapped his arms around the young man’s neck and choked a bit of sense into him. But he didn’t. Instead, he was full of compassion, grace, and love. He wanted to be reconciled with his son. The older brother, unfortunately, was angry that his father would welcome his brother with open arms and without anger or judgment. This son allowed himself to become bitter towards, and distant from, his father. The father was fortunate that one son returned to him, but he found that the other was just as much of a prodigal, even though he never left home.
The parable does not tell us whether or not the older son attended the celebration in honor of his brother’s return. He may well have remained outside of the celebration, allowing his bitterness to keep him from being grateful that his brother had returned and was once again a part of their family. If he did not attend, it was his loss. A lack of attendance would certainly be an effort to express his disapproval, but the celebration would not be canceled. It is sad to think that the older brother could only look upon the joy of others with unhappiness and bitterness, refusing to participate in the joy, but that is what happens when a person cannot accept, or offer, reconciliation.
People need reconciliation with God, also, because they have been hurt by a church. Here is a sad and unfortunate reality – some people associate God with the church in ways that should never be. What I mean by that statement is, some people believe that whatever the church does is representative of who God is, which means that when a church does something harmful – such as abuse and then the coverup of that abuse – that action becomes associated with God. Let me say this – sometimes churches act in ways that are not at all representative of God, and this is certainly true with abuse but it is true in other ways as well. The church is the body of Christ on this earth, but sadly, churches do not always make good representatives of Christ. God is not the church and the church is not God. While we may be a manifestation of God’s presence in this world, we are sometimes a rather pale imitation of the God we worship. Churches do not, in all of their actions and attitudes, perfectly represent God. Sometimes, churches can be poor examples of God’s love and grace, and that faulty representation of God can drive people away from the church. When people become alienated from a church because of that church’s actions, they may also become alienated from God because they associate what the church says, does, and believes with who God is. It is a reality that some people will say, as in the case of abuse, the church did that to me, which must mean that God allowed that to happen to me, so I do not want anything further to do with either the church or with God. How often has bad theology, such as saying that a particular group or a particular person is not as valuable or loved by God caused irreparable harm to the way in which people understand God? How often has bad theology led to the impulse to pass laws or engage in other actions that make the lives of others difficult because churches have disapproved of people or did not like who they are? These are sad realities, and they lead to the need for people to be reconciled with God and they call for the church to seek reconciliation with those who have been hurt by its actions and attitudes.
We seek, and we offer, reconciliation, because this is the heart of God. God always offers reconciliation. Always. Always.
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