September 23, 2018 Living In A Divided World: One Big, Happy Family?

Happiness, the late comedian George Burns said, is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family…in another city.  Whether or not we want to admit it, all of us can appreciate those words as sometimes expressing how we feel about family. 

     

This morning, as we continue our series of messages titled Living In A Divided World, we come to the message One Big, Happy Family?  This is a message about family, and the sometimes difficult and challenging realities of family life.  Tanya and I have been married for over 34 years, and for the entirety of that time we have lived hundreds of miles from our closest family members.  I sometimes joke that there is good news and bad news about living so far away from your family.  The bad news, of course, about living so far away from our family is that we are far away from our family.  The good news about living away from our family is…we are so far away from our family.  You laugh at that because you don’t want to admit it, so I’ll admit it for you – sometimes, we all could use a little space from our families.  Am I right?  That’s not a commentary about what goes on in your family or mine; it’s just how things sometimes are.  Family is a beautiful, wonderful gift of God, but sometimes family is a challenging gift as well.

As I thought about this message, two things immediately came to mind – first, there is so much territory that is possible to cover with this topic.  I have spoken about family on a number of other occasions so my purpose is not to go back and cover all of that ground, and certainly not all of the other possible topics related to family.  Second, I spent a good deal of time thinking about which Scripture passages to use.  There are a number passages to turn to, as the Bible has many stories about not only family life, but also includes in those stories some of the dysfunctions that come along with family life.  There is conflict and dysfunction from the first story of family life, as we read of the tragic violence between Cain and Abel (Genesis 4:1-16).  There is also the struggle between Jacob and Esau (Genesis 25:19-34); Isaac, Sarah, Hagar, and Ishmael (Genesis 16:1-16 and Genesis 21:1-20); Jacob and Laban (Genesis 30:25:1 – 31:55); there are multiple examples of dysfunction in the family of David, such as the violent episode directed at his daughter Tamar (II Samuel 13:1-39) and David’s struggles with his son Absalom (I Samuel 15:1-37 and II Samuel 18:1-33); and there is the Prodigal Son and his family (Luke 15:11-32), which, although we don’t always think of it as a story of family struggle or dysfunction, those elements are certainly there.  There were three other passages that also came to mind, and I considered using just one of them but then decided to use a portion of each one for this morning’s text.  The first passage is the one I imagine is most familiar, the second less so, and the third is a passage you might not recognize at all.  I want to use each of those passages as representative of personality types that we find in every family, personality types that we will all recognize. 

The first story comes from Genesis and tells a portion of the story of Joseph and his brothers.  This is from one of the longest stories in the entire Bible and the story of Joseph and his brothers is captivating and fascinating, and I encourage you to read it in its entirety in the coming days.  The second story comes from that of David and Jonathan.  The story of David and Jonathan tells us of one of the great friendships of the Bible, but it is a friendship that was greatly complicated by the fact that Jonathan’s father is Saul, the king of Israel.  Saul is very jealous of David, and when he realizes that David has been chosen to replace him as king, Saul plots to kill David.  The particular passage we will study this morning is when Jonathan is finally coming to this realization and helps David escape to safety.  The third passage is one with which most people are probably not familiar.  It is a passage, actually, that takes many people by surprise, as it tells of a time when the family of Jesus believed he was out of his mind and they come to take possession of him (the next time your family thinks you’re crazy, don’t feel bad, as Jesus’ family thought that about him).

     

There is so much that we can say about family, but obviously I am limited in the amount of time that I have, and not wanting to impose upon your Sunday lunch with your family, I am scaling down what I have to say about the three different types of characters that we find in all families, which are – the divider, the appeaser, and the manager.  Each of these personalities comes from the passages we will study, and they each exist in every family.  You will recognize each of these characters in your family.  In fact, you might already have attached some names to those character types, but if you are sitting with your family, keep those names to yourself.  Please.  And if we are very honest, we might also recognize some of these characters in ourselves.  I represent one of these personality types, and you will probably guess which one before I tell you.

I should say at this point that each of these three personality types have their positive attributes.  Not every aspect of a manager, for instance, is negative.  I should also reiterate what I have said in earlier messages from this series, and that is the reality that conflict is inevitable in life, and that includes the reality that there is conflict in families and conflict in relationships where love is incredibly and deeply rooted.  Just because there is conflict in your family, however, does not mean your family is dysfunctional and weird and in need of serious therapy.  It simply means your family is normal and like every other family.  Everyone in a family is different, and those differences are one of the sources of conflict.  There are some things I just don’t like, and they are things that Tanya loves.  I don’t like much of the music she likes, and she doesn’t like much of the music I listen to.  We have different tastes in what we read and what we eat and in many other things as well, and sometimes we wonder how we get along so well when we have such different tastes in most things.  But our core values about life and about what we believe are the same, and that is very important.

Well, that long introduction doesn’t give me much time, and as I have already been reminded several times that Jordan let you out earlier last week than I normally do, I better get moving.

The Divider

Genesis 37:17-22

17 Joseph went after his brothers and found them near Dothan. 

18 But they saw him in the distance, and before he reached them, they plotted to kill him.

19 “Here comes that dreamer!” they said to each other.

20 “Come now, let’s kill him and throw him into one of the these cisterns and say that a ferocious animal devoured him.  Then we’ll see what comes of his dreams.”

21 When Reuben heard this, he tried to rescue him from their hands.  “Let’s not take his life,” he said.

22 “Don’t shed any blood.  Throw him into this cistern here in the wilderness, but don’t lay a hand on him.”  Reuben said this to rescue him from them and take him back to his father.

Years ago, my family gathered at the home of one of my siblings for Thanksgiving dinner.  All five of us, and our extended families, were able to attend, so it was a large gathering.  Several of us stayed at the home of my mom, and before leaving for dinner my mom gave a very stern warning to one of my brothers-in-law and myself about not getting one of our relatives all wound up, because we had already planned to mention some of the political issues of the day, knowing we would stir up a big discussion with that person and get them upset.  Looking back on this, I don’t know why we felt compelled to do such a thing, because all it did was bring about a level of division.  We thought it would be funny, but in reality, it was an immature and unfortunate decision on our part.

That was a conscious decision to do something that caused division, but many dividers do so without even realizing they are being divisive.  Joseph was such a person.  Joseph was favored by his father over his other brothers, and he was gifted in many ways, one of which was the ability to interpret dreams, interpretations which he sometimes used to hold over the heads of his brothers, such as telling them that they would one day bow down to him (Genesis 37:1-11).  Doing so became so divisive that even Joseph’s father, Jacob, rebuked him for not just his dream, but for the way he seemed to enjoy what his dream meant.

I don’t think Joseph understood the discord he was sowing in his family.  Even though he was correct in what he said – his brothers would indeed one day bow down to him – there is a way to deal with people and a way not to deal with people, and one way not to deal with people is to rub your successes into the faces of family members.  What wants to hear about someone’s promotion and accompanying large raise when you are struggling in your work and struggling to pay your bills?  Who wants to hear about that trip around the world when you struggle to pay for the gas to go across town to the grocery store, let alone come up with the money to buy some groceries?  Who wants to hear about a big new house when you know that if you miss one more mortgage payment your house will go into foreclosure?  It is a wonderful gift to have such blessings, but basic sensitivity will make us realize there is a way to talk about all manner of things in our lives without being divisive.  Joseph seemed more interested in reveling in his status as the chosen child and bragging about the successes he would one day enjoy than he was interested in showing some level of sensitivity to his brothers.

The divider is also the one who uses politics, faith, and the issues of the day to drive wedges between family members.  We all know that, at family gatherings, there are those conversations everyone hopes won’t come up because seated across from one another is one member of the family who supported Hilary Clinton and another who supported Donald Trump.  Just mentioning those names makes us tense up, right?  The difficulty is that rational, polite conversation can so quickly deteriorate into name-calling and shouting, which does absolutely nothing to bring a family closer together.  Any time you begin a conversation, or further a conversation, by asking a question in this way – please tell me how someone as intelligent as you can believe, support, or vote for…  Questions and comments that immediately put others on the defensive do nothing to further understanding and family harmony.  It is better, I believe, to ask questions that lead to greater understanding, not questions that are accusations and insults that masquerade as questions.  Ask questions such as, what is it that you see in that person, that belief, or that policy that is important to you?  Help me to understand what you would like me to know about your stance and your belief.  How can we disagree on such fundamental beliefs and not allow those differences to divide us as family members who love one another?

Also understand that dividers are a personality type who seek to create a diversion from what is going on in their own life so that they do not have to deal with those matters.  Illusionists, for example, perform their illusions by creating some kind of diversion.  They get us to look over here, at one hand, while over there, with the other hand, they are doing something they don’t want us to see.  Dividers often create conflicts and division in order to divert attention from themselves and from the issues in their lives that they do not want to address.

The Appeaser

I Samuel 23:15-18

15 While David was at Horesh in the Desert of Ziph, he learned that Saul had come out to take his life. 

16 And Saul’s son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God. 

17 “Don’t be afraid,” he said.  “My father Saul will not lay a hand on you.  You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you.  Even my father Saul knows this.” 

18 The two of them made a covenant before the Lord.  Then Jonathan went home, but David remained at Horesh.

I may be a namesake of David, but I am the personality type of Jonathan.  I am not the David of the Bible, in terms of personality but like Jonathan, I want everyone to just get along.  My personality type, in case you hadn’t already guessed, is that of an appeaser. Can’t we all just get along?  I’m the one who, on a camping trip, will tell you, that bear really doesn’t want to eat you.  Yes, he’s hungry, but he just wants food, and isn’t that what we all really want?  We all get hungry.  Why punish a bear for being who he is?  Let’s just give him all our food and hike that 500 miles back down the trail without any food of our own because it will make the bear happy.  Am I speaking for anyone else?

I think Jonathan was a really kind-hearted person.  I imagine Jonathan as the kind of person who got along with everyone and was the kind of person everyone liked, because Jonathan was an appeaser, and what appeasers want above all else is for everyone to get along.  The problem is, appeasement is not always a good idea, because others will take advantage of the desire that everyone get along.  Saul would have liked nothing better than for Jonathan to bring David to him, under the guise of making peace and trying to have everyone just get along.  Jonathan could not see that his father was so jealous and so threatened by David that the only solution he could consider was killing David.  And that meant that the last thing needed in that situation was for Jonathan to be blind to his father’s threat against his friend David and to formulate any plan to overlook or downplay that threat against David.  David needed wise counsel and protection, not appeasement.

Now, it should be said that there is often a need for someone to keep some measure of peace in a family.  Someone needs to, at times, take someone aside and say is it really necessary to speak to your parents that way?  Is it really necessary to treat your children that way?  Is it really necessary to treat your siblings that way?  I knew two siblings who lived only a few miles from each other and went over thirty years without speaking to one another.  Thirty years!  It would have been so helpful had someone talked to them and said does this really need to continue?  Isn’t it time to work out your differences?  That is being a peacemaker, however, not an appeaser.

The danger of the appeaser is this – the appeaser is like the homeowner who papers over a crack in the wall but does nothing to fix what caused the crack.  Everything might appear fine and good when you paper over the crack but underneath, the problem continues to grow, which will ensure that not only will the crack reappear, but when it does reappear it is going to be far more serious and far more difficult to repair.  Jonathan was dangerously mistaken about his father, and when he said to David, don’t be afraid.  My father Saul will not lay a hand on you.  You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you.  Even my father Saul knows this, he was being dangerously naïve.  Jonathan was, however, correct on one point – everyone, including Saul, knew that David would be king, but his belief that Saul would not hurt David was wrong to the point of putting David’s life in danger.  Jonathan was so interested in everyone getting along that he could not see his own father’s murderous intentions toward David, his closest friend.  Jonathan’s desire to appease his father was wrong to the point of being dangerous. 

Jonathan either did not see – or would not see – what his father was capable of.  Some people cannot, or will not, see the harm that is taking place in their family.  Some people turn a blind eye to abuse in their family.  Sometimes some, or most, of a family will be aware of harm or abuse in a family and the damage that is being done, but no one wants to say anything because they don’t want to cause any trouble.  How rescuing someone from trouble becomes causing trouble is beyond me.  What it generally means when someone says we don’t want to cause any trouble is this – we don’t want to deal with the fallout from confronting what needs to be confronted.  Some things just need to be said, and Jonathan had the wrong thing to say, initially, to David.  Sometimes there are difficult things we need to say. 

Are we having fun yet?  This is not easy, is it?  But let’s continue on with our third and final personality type, which is –

The Manager

Mark 3:20-21

20 Then Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat.

21 When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, “He is out of his mind.”

Again, you don’t have to raise your hand, but I wonder how many of you see yourself as a manager?  I understand this personality type very well, because I am married to this type of personality.  Tanya is the most efficient person I know, and she can get more done in an hour than I can accomplish in an entire day.  She is very driven and focused.  She is so driven and focused, in fact, that she would run over her grandmother if her grandmother got between her and her task.  She would not mean to run over her grandmother; she just wouldn’t see her because of her intense focus.  Most of the time, the manager is referred to as a controller, so if you do see yourself as this type, just to let you know, when I looked up some information on the controller personality type, here is how it was labeled in one article – Controller/Leader/Psychopath.  Psychopath?  I like that part about being a leader, but wow, that psychopath part really scares me!  If you are a controller, don’t worry, I’m not insinuating that you are a psychopath, but I found it interesting that in one article, that’s how this personality type was listed. 

In all honesty, every family needs a manager-type personality (and, after each worship service, I was reminded of this by many of you who fit this personality type.  It was told to me more than once, if it weren’t for us manager types nothing would ever get done!  Fair enough, and point taken).  Somebody, after all, must organize a family and their gatherings; plan and organize the reunions; make sure everyone is where they need to be, when they need to be; and help to keep everyone in line because, you know, sometimes families get out of line.  What families don’t need, however, is the person who takes it upon themselves to tell all the other members of the family how to live, where to live, who to love, where to work, and all the other details about life.  People can make those decisions for themselves.  In fact, people will make those decisions for themselves, and not always in the ways that please the manager.

If you are a manager, here’s the best piece of advice I can offer – understand why.  Seek to understand what has shaped you into being a manager, or controller.  In some instances, the manager was raised in an environment where they were made to feel less than worthy, which caused them to create a personality that is very driven, very goal oriented, often a perfectionist, and seeking to control their environment in a way that will make them feel better about themselves.  In many instances – not all, but quite a few – I have found that managers are individuals who come from a home where some type of addiction has been a factor.  Did you know that?  Don’t raise your hand, but if you recognize yourself as a controller, has addiction been a part of your family history?  I’m going to guess that there is a strong probability that it has been.  What that addiction does, then, is it causes the person who is the controller to seek to control their surroundings because so often when they were younger their surroundings were out of control.  Some of you were part of the prayer walk that took place here in Shelbyville yesterday morning.  That prayer walk was to bring attention to the problem of addiction in our community and to pray for the individuals and families who are struggling with that difficult disease.  I am sorry that I was not able to be part of that event, but I was in Scottsburg, Indiana for a similar event.  Our band had committed several months ago – before I was aware of our local event – to play at an event for an addiction ministry.  At the event we heard several stories of how God changed the lives of people who had very difficult struggles with addiction.  One of those individuals now works with the ministry, and his story was very powerful.  Addiction led to him losing his family and losing five years of his freedom, as he was incarcerated because of crimes committed that were related to his addiction.  He had fourteen car accidents under the influence, four of which took place while he was traveling at speeds of over 140 miles per hour, and he walked away with no injuries.  He has now been sober for seven years, is an ordained minister working on the staff of a local church, serves on the staff of the addiction ministry, and has had his family restored.  He is part of a prison ministry that has seen over 300 individuals baptized in the last seven years!  God truly can change lives!

Wherever you see yourself in relation to these personality types, remember this – we are all created as unique, special creations of God.  We are also, however, powerfully influenced by our surroundings and experiences, and those surroundings and those experiences can shape us in ways that create difficulties in the way in which we relate to others, especially our families.  Your personality type has gifts that it brings to your family, but it also has challenges, challenges that can bring difficulty to your family.  Take care to understand who you are and why you are who you are, so that God can make you fully into the person you were meant to be!

September 9, 2018 Living In A Divided World: A House Divided

There is a fascinating story about a church that went through a time of difficulty that ended in the church splitting into two congregations.  The new church needed a name, and those remaining in the church decided they would rename their congregation as well.  Without realizing the irony, perhaps, they named themselves Harmony Church and Unity Church.

We are continuing a series of messages Living In A Divided World, and this morning we come to the message A House Divided, which focuses on the divisions within churches and among God’s people (it is not, as the title might suggest, about those homes that are divided in their loyalties between the University of Kentucky and the University of Louisville, although I did borrow the title from that rivalry).  I think it is safe to say that, when it comes to churches, there has been no shortage of conflict and troubles over the course of the history of the church.  Conflicts, both large and small, have been part of the church from the beginning.  Those of us who have been around churches all our lives are familiar with the hurt feelings and institutional wreckage that comes with those times of conflict.  Sometimes, the conflict in churches can be so severe that it drives people to join what has been called the church alumni society, that is, those people who have been so burned or so hurt by church conflict that they walk away from church, never to return.  I should also hasten to add that I am not offering this message in response to any situation, just in case you were wondering is Dave trying to tell us something?  Of all the churches I have served, this has been my favorite church.   As a congregation, you have treated me with much kindness, generosity, and other good things.  I am very grateful to be here, and I am very grateful for the health of our congregation as well.

Our Scripture text for this morning comes from I Corinthians 11:17-26.  Follow along as I read –

17 In the following directives I have no praise for you, for your meetings do more harm than good.

18 In the first place, I hear that when you come together as a church, there are divisions among you, and to some extent I believe it.

19 No doubt there have to be differences among you to show which of you have God’s approval.

20 So then, when you come together, it is not the Lord’s Supper you eat,

21 for when you are eating, some of you go ahead with your own private suppers. As a result, one person remains hungry and another gets drunk.

22 Don’t you have homes to eat and drink in? Or do you despise the church of God by humiliating those who have nothing? What shall I say to you? Shall I praise you? Certainly not in this matter!

23 For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread,

24 and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.”

25 In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.”

26 For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.

The apostle Paul, who was not generally prone to understatement, made an exception to that tendency when he wrote these words in verse 18 – I hear that when you come together as a church, there are divisions among you.  Normally, Paul was very direct and to the point, but in this instance he was much more understated in his assessment of the goings-on in Corinth.  Simply put, the church was a mess.  Full of conflict and all manner of problems, Paul wrote to the congregation in order to sort out the struggles they were experiencing.  It wasn’t just the church in Corinth, however, that kept Paul busy.  Paul devoted a good deal of his time and energy to helping other churches work through their difficulties.  As a missionary and church-planter, Paul had worked to establish many of the churches throughout the Roman Empire and as he had a hand in their founding, he was often called upon to help them solve their problems.

Considering what Paul has to say, I want to offer a few words of advice this morning, the first being,

1.  The church is created and ordained by God and is God’s gift to us, but it is populated by fallible human beings.

If you are familiar with the history of the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ), you will be familiar with a great irony in that history.  The founders of the movement that led to our churches – leaders such as Thomas Campbell and his son Alexander, Barton W. Stone, and Walter Scott – lived during the time of frontier America, a time when the church had fractured into many divisions and denominations.  Looking around at the religious landscape, they believed it was incumbent upon them to work to bring a sense of unity to the overall church, lessening divisions, and joining together under the cause of adhering to the simple, basic gospel of the New Testament era.  What they quickly did, however, was to add three more divisions to that religious landscape that was already littered with numerous denominations and church divisions.  (To add an interesting note – my home church – Wellsburg Christian Church, in Wellsburg, West Virginia – is the oldest church with a direct lineage to the Campbells and the beginnings of the Restoration Movement, which spawned the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ), the Independent Christian Churches/Churches and Christ, and the Churches of Christ, non-instrumental.  When the Campbells arrived in this country from Scotland, they settled in the Washington, Pennsylvania area, establishing the Brush Run congregation.  Eventually the Campbells, and the Brush Run congregation, moved on to Wellsburg, establishing the congregation that continues there, and is my home church.  That church, once affiliated with the Disciples of Christ, affiliated with the Independent churches during the time of Restructure). 

My home church has had its share of ups and downs over the years.  Our church, and the goings-on there, served as the main dish at many Sunday lunches in my family’s home as we talked up that various ups and downs.  Some of those conversations were good, uplifting, and positive.  Others were, well, less so.  I remember years ago, when I was in high school, observing one of the most difficult moments I can remember taking place in a church.  Our minister at the time, Bill Norris, was a very good man, and a great example and mentor to me.  Reverend Norris was very funny, caring, and well-loved in our community.  There was one family in our church, however, that had it in for him.  One Sunday, during the course of his message, Reverend Norris remarked that if you can’t say anything good about a person you ought to keep your big, fat mouth shut.  I remember we laughed at his comment, thinking it to be rather good advice.  The next Sunday, however, right before the sermon time, a member of the family that opposed Reverend Norris suddenly arose out of his seat and walked to the pulpit.  He stood in the pulpit and began to criticize Reverend Norris for including that line in his previous week’s message.  After haranguing Reverend Norris for several minutes about his language, the man then made a motion that Reverend Norris be immediately dismissed from the church.  Well, it didn’t take but a few moments for a chaotic scene to erupt.  In the midst of the chaos a young lady rose to her feet.  She was sitting on the other side of the sanctuary from me, and she was a member of my high school class (we were, at the time, juniors, I believe).  The young lady was pregnant and unmarried, which did not lead to very good treatment of her in that day and time.  She stood there, however, and spoke movingly of how Reverend Norris had reached out to her and her family and what a difference it made to her.  I remember being very moved and impressed by her words.  After she sat down, others stood up and expressed their thanks for what Reverend Norris had done for their families.  After several spoke, my father and another one of our other elders stood up from the choir loft, walked to the pulpit, and each one took the man by an arm and led him out of the sanctuary.  I have never forgotten that scene.  It was a very difficult moment of conflict that ended in a powerful affirmation of what our church and minister meant to members of the congregation.  It was a difficult moment that became a moment that was very much needed.

I can say, without hesitation, that church conflict is never pleasant.  I can also say, without hesitation, that church conflict is inevitable.  It is inevitable because conflict is a byproduct of all types of relationships.  It is easy to believe that conflict should not come to the church – as it is also easy to believe that church people ought to rise above such petty actions and attitudes – but the church is a divinely-ordained institution that is populated by fallible, sometimes petty human beings, and those human beings bring not only the best of themselves, but sometimes the worst.

I will also admit that, sometimes, the church has been its own worst enemy.  The televangelist scandals of the 80s and 90s were an embarrassment to the church, and a prime example of the way in which the church can sometimes shoot itself in the foot.  We have also witnessed now, for several decades, the terrible scandal of abuse in the Catholic Church.  Nothing, in my lifetime, has brought greater harm to the church than this terrible scandal, a scandal that is the fault of the Church as it has allowed it to continue to do so much damage to so many innocent lives.  This summer, we witnessed the fall of Bill Hypels, founding pastor of Willow Creek Church outside of Chicago, one of the largest churches in the country.  I could go on and on, unfortunately, but I think you get my point.

One of the important matters about conflict that we must always remember is this – though conflict is inevitable and natural, it must be handled in a healthy manner.  Conflict becomes very hurtful and damaging when it is handled poorly and in unhealthy ways.  Conflict can actually lead to growth, improvement, and positive outcomes when it is handled in healthy ways.  None of the examples I just offered were handled in healthy ways.  Every one of them are examples of how conflict, scandal, and harm should not be handled.

     

Paul was often drawn into church conflict.  In fact, many of the New Testament letters written by Paul exist because he wrote them as a result of conflict in the churches with which he ministered.  Reading closely – and sometimes not so closely – it is easy to find examples of Paul speaking to conflicts on an institutional scale (such as one of this verse from Sunday’s Scripture text – I Corinthians 11:18, I hear that when you come together as a church, there are divisions among you and Philippians 4:2 – I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord.)

2.  Conflict is natural and inevitable, but does not need to be fatal.

The summer after I graduated from high school I attended what was called Life Recruit Week at church camp.  Life Recruit Week was designed for those young people who sensed that God was, perhaps, leading them into what we call “full-time Christian service,” that is, positions of vocational ministry such as pastors, evangelists, and missionaries.  At the end of the week, at Friday night’s worship service, I walked down the aisle of our vespers area to publicly acknowledge my belief that God was calling me into ministry.  I had sensed it for a long time, but it continued to take a good while for me to fully accept what this realization meant to my life.  Even though many of my friends – even my friends who never went to church or though much about faith – assumed I would become a minister, it took me some time to discern that call.  When I got home from camp on Saturday my mom and I discussed my decision, but interestingly, the first thing she said to me after I told her I had made a public commitment to ministry was, just remember, there is no shame in ever leaving the ministry.  That’s a sign that someone has experienced some interesting moments in church life!  And, to be honest, there have been plenty of times when I thought maybe it was time to do something else with my life.  There have been times I was ready to throw in the towel and do something else.  There have even been times when I went on job interviews to pursue other vocational options, but my sense of call would not let me go, even when I really wanted it to. 

I still remember many of those conflicts in my home church, and how difficult and painful some of them were.  But here is another important truth – it is my home church and I love the people there.  The same people who created some of the headaches and problems were the same people who taught me in Sunday School and VBS, the same people who prayed for me and loved me, and it is important to say this – it is easier to accept the faults and shortcomings of others when you love them and when they love you, so while I can tell you negative stories about church conflict in my home congregation, I can tell you many more about the saints who have populated that church for so many years and who have meant so much to me throughout the course of my life.

All relationships have byproducts.  Some of those byproducts are beautiful and wonderful, such as love, companionship, and friendship.  Some of those byproducts are less than beautiful and wonderful, such as conflict.  When we consider the reality of conflict, however, we must remember that it is a natural and inevitable part of every relationship, including relationships in a church and among churches.  Why should we not expect conflict when we are dealing with people who are struggling, broken, stumbling, stressed-out, burned out, troubles pieces of humanity?  What else should we expect?  I understand that people have higher expectations of churches and church people, and I agree with that, but we are as human and as fallible as anyone else and that’s why grace is such an important part of relationships.

I find it interesting to study the twelve that Jesus chose to be his closest followers.  When we read a bit closer about these twelve individuals, we find that they had much potential for conduct.  Matthew was a tax collector (Matthew 9:9), and as a tax collector he would have been viewed as a traitor to his own people, since he worked for the Roman government.  Simon, one of the other disciples, was a Zealot (Matthew 10:4).  The Zealots were a political group dedicated to the overthrow of the Roman occupiers, by violence of any other means necessary.  Imagine, in a small group of twelve disciples there was someone who worked for the Romans and someone dedicated to their defeat.  I wonder how that worked out?  Some of the disciples were fishermen – Peter, Andrew, James, and John (Matthew 4:18-22) – and as fishermen they were small businessmen, and perhaps they had to pay their taxes to Matthew.  I wonder how that made them feel.  James and John invoked indignation among the disciples when they asked Jesus for preferential treatment in his kingdom, asking that one could sit on his right hand and the other on his left (Mark 10:35-45) (and on another occasion their mother asked – Matthew 20:20-28).  There are other factors that could easily have triggered conflict between the disciples, but it is interesting that one has to read the gospels closely to find them.  What this tells me is that the disciples learned, under the leadership of Jesus, how to manage their differences in healthy ways (there is, of course, the one large exception of Judas betraying Jesus).

Conflict is normal and inevitable, but we must always work for healthy, not unhealthy, conflict.  Relationships that focus on healthy expressions of conflict are relationships that grow, prosper, flourish, and thrive. 

3.  It is worth fighting for what you love.

We have all heard the old (and, in my opinion, very false) contention that the church has caused more wars, been at the root of more violence, and brought about more problems and suffering than anything else in the history of humanity.  Why, to listen to some, the church might even be the cause of the stormy weather this weekend!  This false narrative, claiming that the church is the root of the majority of the world’s suffering and violence, would seek to convince us that we should distance ourselves from the church because of the failings of the church.  This is what we would call the argument of complicity – if you are attached to or involved with any institution that perpetuates suffering or wrongdoing you are complicit in the sins and failures of that institution.  There is a very big problem with the argument of complicity, however, and it is this – unless we move to a mountaintop and removed ourselves from everything we are in some way complicit, if we follow that line of reasoning.  Every institution, we have learned – and learned painfully in recent years – has guilt on its hands.  Are we to withdraw from everything in life, distance ourselves from every institution, and fall into despair and lack of involvement in any meaningful work?  No, not at all!  I believe, for one, that the failures of the church are not a reflection upon God as much as they are a reflection on the brokenness and sinfulness of humanity.  It is a tragedy, I believe, that some people associate the failings of the church with God and the will of God, and thus walk away not only from the church, but also from God.  I believe that we are to fight for what we love, and that includes the church.  I love the church.  I have been a part of the church for the entirety of my life and plan to be part of the church for the remainder of my life.  I can’t imagine any circumstance that would cause me to turn away from the church.  That is not to say, however, that I would not change churches.  I have been in situations that become toxic and hurtful to the point that I realized I needed to move to another congregation, and that type of experience is what played a large role in my coming to this church.  The church, with all of its faults, failures, and shortcomings, is a gift from God to help in nurturing our faith, in discipling us, in providing comfort and fellowship, and providing for so many other important needs that we have.  That is never to excuse however, what some churches do that is wrong.  It does not excuse the terrible scourge of abuse in the Catholic Church.  It does not excuse the subjugation of women in so many churches, and it does not excuse the authoritarian behavior that is sometimes exhibited by church leaders, or any other toxic behavior.  For me, though, I will stay and work and fight for change that is needed, because I love the church.  I am not going to walk out the doors of the church forever, turning my back on what has been a great gift of God in my life. 

We are called to do what Jesus led the disciples to do – to love and serve, and when we love and serve others, we will be to busy and too occupied to engage in the kinds of conflict that is destructive and hurtful.  Let’s not tear down – let’s build up!

September 2, 2018 Living In A Divided World: Divided Between Kingdoms

How truly wonderful and delightful to see brothers and sisters living together in sweet unity!

—Psalm 133:1 (TPT)

This morning we begin a 4-part series of messages title Living In A Divided World.  These messages have proven to be the most difficult I have ever written.  I was initially excited about this series, but in recent days I have thought it might be better to consign them to the it seemed like a good idea at the time file, and I seriously considered dropping the series altogether.  Obviously, if I had a “magic bullet” type of answer to the difficulty of living in our divided world I would be writing bestselling books and speaking at conferences around the world.  As it is quite evident I am doing neither of those things, maybe I don’t have any helpful answers.  Or, perhaps, the answers are overlooked, even though they are right in front of us.  Sometimes, even when the truth is directly in front of us, we are unable to perceive it or comprehend it.

It is an oft-repeated phrase that Americans are more divided than ever, but is it true? Are we more divided than at any other time in our national history? I don’t suppose there is any objective way to test the truth of that statement, but I am a bit of a skeptic when it comes to believing that we are at our highest-ever level of division. Certainly, we have not surpassed the level of contentiousness that gave us the Civil War, so we can say that, however divided we might be, it has not come to the point of taking up arms against one another.

While I am rather hesitant to claim those divisions are deeper and greater than ever before, I would say there are several social forces unique to our day and time that give us the sense that they are greater than at any previous point in our history.  I believe, for one, that the rise of social media and other digital platforms have made us much more aware of the existence of the vast number of viewpoints in our society, and the digital world has provided those many viewpoints with a platform and a voice that heretofore did not exist. In previous generations we were spoon-fed information from the gatekeepers of traditional media, the members of which decided what news we would receive and what information would come our way. Any alternative forms of media were so small, and faced such great obstacles to sharing their message with the masses, that it was next to impossible to receive much in the way of news and information beyond what we were offered by the three major television networks and major newspapers. With the arrival of the digital era, however – especially the advent of social media – we have witnessed a radical reshaping of our world. Could, for instance, the #metoo movement have existed without social media? It is hard to imagine that it could have, and likewise so many other social movements that have either started because of – or benefitted from – the power of social media. In a relatively brief time we have witnessed the lessening of the influence – or outright demise – of many traditional media outlets while new media voices have exploded in both number and influence. There are, of course, downsides to social media and the rise of the information age – such as the ability to customize your news to the point that one can live inside of a giant echo chamber, the frightening disappearance of privacy, and the anonymity of social media that breeds a disturbing level of ugliness – but it is now possible for anyone with a phone or other digital device to gain a worldwide platform.

There is, secondly, a rise in the social influence and power of groups who have long held a minority status in our culture, a rise that has corresponded with the dawning of the digital age. For much of our history there has been one dominant social group that held sway over all others, and that group determined the direction of our country’s culture, politics, and just about every other facet of what was then a seemingly united America. I say seemingly because underneath the appearance of unity – which was not so much unity as it was the power of one group to possess an almost absolute sense of cultural hegemony – was a collection of many disparate subcultures that were mostly unnoticed or, perhaps more accurately, ignored. The digital age has allowed those minority groups – groups based on ethnicity, economics, beliefs, politics, sexuality, and other points of commonality – to not only increase their visibility, but also their power and influence, as digital connectivity meant their voices could no longer be ignored.

We have, thirdly, settled into our divisions in a way that seems to be much more intractable than in the past. Whereas in previous eras we seemed to have possessed a greater tolerance for points of view that were different from our own, we have now arrived at a point where we allow little or no room for differences. We more often tend to associate with people who believe and vote as we do, and we seem to have less patience or interest in those who think, vote, believe, or live differently from ourselves. There is even research which has revealed people are more and more likely to move into communities of like-minded people, and away from people with whom they disagree. Increasingly, it seems as though we are required to correctly check every box of orthodoxy before we find acceptance by other groups or individuals. Do you support the right political candidate? What political party do you belong to? Are you a Republican? What kind of Republican? A Republican more in the mold of Donald Trump or one who longs for the era of Ronald Reagan? Are you a Democrat? Are you a Democrat who supported Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders (even though Bernie Sanders is not a Democrat)? What are your specific political positions? Are you prolife? If so, do you accept any instances in which abortion is acceptable? Are you prochoice? If so, do you accept any limits on abortion? Are you religious? Well, that’s an entirely other set of orthodoxies to manage.

We love to stereotype and categorize others, and perhaps we do so because stereotypes and categories are much easier to deal with than the real-world nuances and complexities of individuals. If we label our neighbor as that crazy, left-wing socialist who voted for Bernie Sanders, then we have placed them in a convenient category, allowing us to write them off as some kook who lives down the street and with whom we can never associate because of their objectionable politics. If we label our coworker as a right-wing religious zealot because they have a Make America Great Again bumper sticker on their truck, we can then ignore the fuller picture of who they are as a person.

The larger question becomes, then, not one of how divided we are, but can we – or will we – reach across those divisions in order to better understand one another?

This morning, we will look at the larger picture of division – on a worldwide scale and on a national scale.  We will work backwards from there to the divisions in and among churches, to the divisions in a family, and the division in individual relationships.  In the process, I hope I have some helpful things to say to you.

As I considered different Scripture passages for this week’s message I was drawn to the prophet Jeremiah, who was one of the major prophets of the Old Testament and who lived and prophesied in a very difficult time in the history of God’s people.  Jeremiah saw answers and truths that were right in front of the people, but they were unable – or unwilling – to hear or accept those truths because they were not what they wanted to hear.

Jeremiah was a prophet who bore testimony to the coming of an event we now call the Babylonian Exile.  Taking place in 597 BC, the Exile was arguably the most traumatic event in the history of God’s people.  By this time in history, the nation of Israel had split into two kingdoms – Israel in the north and Judah in the south.  Judah was home to Jerusalem and the Temple, the holiest place in the history of God’s people.  Because of a series of events that is too long to recount here, the people of Judah were defeated by the kingdom of Babylon and most were taken there into exile, where they lived for 70 years before being allowed to return to their homeland.  Not all the people were taken into captivity into Babylon, but most of the political, religious, and business leaders were taken.  Besides the loss of their leaders, those who remained in Judah had to contend with the destruction of the Temple and much of their civilization.  It was a very dark and difficult time for the people.

And yet, in spite of the difficulties of the time, there were some lessons that came from that era as well, lessons that strengthened and gave hope to the people. 

Jeremiah 29:1-2, 4-12 –

1 This is the text of the letter that the prophet Jeremiah sent from Jerusalem to the surviving elders among the exiles and to the priests, the prophets and all the other people Nebuchadnezzar had carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon.

2 (This was after King Jehoiachin and the queen mother, the court officials and the leaders of Judah and Jerusalem, the skilled workers and the artisans had gone into exile from Jerusalem.)

4 This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon:

5 “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce.

6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 

7 Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.”

8 Yes, this is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: “Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have.

9 They are prophesying lies to you in my name. I have not sent them,” declares the Lord.

10 This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place.

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

What I found in the process of working on these messages is the massive scale of this topic.  Each week could become its own series of messages or even a book, so I will do my best to condense down to the core truths of what I have to say.  I will also say that the written version of this message is a good deal longer than what I am presenting to you this morning, as I do not have the time available to drop all that information on you.

The first truth I want to share is –

1.  In our divided world, pray and work for the prosperity, blessing, and good of all people.

This was a very hard truth for Jeremiah’s audience to hear, as they had been taken by their enemies into exile in a foreign land.  They were ridiculed and reminded that they had been defeated, that they had been taken away as captives, and that their God could not help them in Babylon.  And then Jeremiah had the audacity to tell the people to seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.  Can you imagine the response Jeremiah must have received.  Are you kidding me?  Jeremiah, are you crazy?  You know what these people have done to us!  They have destroyed our Temple, they have destroyed the city of Jerusalem, they have destroyed much of our land, and they have carried us into exile in this strange land.  And you want us to do what?  Pray for and seek the peace and prosperity of this land and these people?  No, no way.  Not after what they have done to us!  Jeremiah was telling the people to patronize the businesses of the Babylonians and to treat them well when they came into the businesses that they would eventually build in their new land.  Be nice to them.  Help them to be successful.  Do good to them.  Call one of their contractors when you are building a house or business.  Shop in their clothes and shoe shops.  Bake a cake for them if they ask for one.  Jeremiah said it was not a violation of their faith to do good for others and to work and pray for their prosperity; in fact it was an affirmation of their faith to do so.  Jeremiah absolutely does away with any supposed justification to separate people, to treat them inhospitably, or to not serve them because of religious reasons.  He reminded the people, in words that we very much need to hear today, that we are not to pray and work only for our own prosperity and blessing, but to pray and work for the prosperity and blessing of everyone.

Sounds to me like a message that is very much needed today, especially when there are so many in the religious and political realm that would tell us different.  One of the reasons why I think that message is so needed today is because there is so much cynicism, especially cynicism that is directed at institutions.  We live in a time when institutions have used and abused the trust of people, and it is every institution – government, colleges and universities, the military, business, and, as we have so painfully seen again in recent weeks, the church.  It is time, as people, that we rise up and say enough!  Enough of the use and abuse of people!  Enough of the manipulation of the divisions among us!  We have seen movements – such as the #metoo movement – rise up from among us to say enough!  It is my hope that in churches – in particular the Catholic Church – that people will rise up and say enough! to the terrible scourge of abuse that has taken place.  We must work to restore the trust in our institutions – including the church – and by doing so, it will be a much-needed step in working for the prosperity, blessing, and good of all people.

2.  We live in a political kingdom, but our allegiance is ultimately with God’s kingdom.

We are all familiar with the story in which Jesus is asked if it is lawful to pay tax to Caesar (Matthew 22:15-21 – 15 Then the Pharisees went out and laid plans to trap him in his words. 16 They sent their disciples to him along with the Herodians. “Teacher,” they said, “we know that you are a man of integrity and that you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. You aren’t swayed by others, because you pay no attention to who they are. 17 Tell us then, what is your opinion? Is it right to pay the imperial tax to Caesar or not?” 18 But Jesus, knowing their evil intent, said, “You hypocrites, why are you trying to trap me? 19 Show me the coin used for paying the tax.” They brought him a denarius, 20 and he asked them, “Whose image is this? And whose inscription?” 21 “Caesar’s,” they replied. Then he said to them, “So give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.”).  When we read that passage, however, we often misinterpret what Jesus has to say.  When Jesus says we are to give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s, we often hear his words to indicate there is a nice, neat, easy division between the two kingdoms that seek our allegiance.  This is not at all, however, what Jesus is saying.  Caesar would not accept the fact that a person would offer their allegiance or resources to anyone else, and certainly not God.  Caesar, after all, portrayed himself as God, so Caesar, in his view, owned everything and was due everything.  But Jesus tells us we are citizens also of a heavenly kingdom and God – the true God, not a false god such as Caesar – also claims our allegiance and does not want to share that allegiance with any other.  What Jesus is presenting then, is a very difficult dilemma – choose the kingdom to which you will give your ultimate allegiance; it cannot be both.

As citizens of two kingdoms, those kingdoms are often in conflict with one another as they both seek our ultimate allegiance.  I find an example of this conflict every time I drive to Frankfort, where, just before the first Frankfort exit from I64, are two large flags, on the right, just off the interstate.  The top one is a very large American flag and beneath it, subjugated to it I would say, is a smaller Christian flag.  Every time I see those flags I am bothered by the symbolism of what their placement represents.  To me, when I see those flags, it seems as though someone is telling me my allegiance ought ultimately belong to an earthly kingdom, but I give my ultimate allegiance to God’s kingdom.  Now, that does not mean I am not grateful to live in this country, and after listening to Pastor Pau (Bow) two weeks ago, as he told of being imprisoned simply because of preaching, I am very grateful for the freedom we have as American citizens.  I believe, however, that my ultimate allegiance is not to a nation or government or political ideology, but to God and his kingdom.

When the people were taken into exile in Babylon there was a common belief that they were beyond the reach of God.  The belief ran strong that God was contained within the borders of their political kingdom, and that was a reason why they were in such despair, as they wondered how can we survive here, apart from God?  We are now under the domination of not only another kingdom but also that kingdom’s gods.  But the kingdom of God supersedes all boundaries that humanity erects, and that is certainly true when it comes to national boundaries.  The borders and boundaries that exist are ones that are created and delineated by humanity, and just because we bump into a border or boundary does not mean that our love, our ministry, our care, and our concern ends at that point.  Borders are too often a defining mark of where and whether we will do ministry and love.  It is easy to say, based on borders, that that is a Simpsonville problem, not a Shelbyville problem.  That is an Anderson County, or Oldham County, or Jefferson County problem, not a Shelby County problem.  That is an Ohio problem or Tennessee problem, not a Kentucky problem.  That is a Mexico or Canada problem, not a United States problem.  It is tempting to say that our responsibilities end at the borders of our community, or county, or our southern or northern border, or at the east coast or west coast, but we must remember those borders are human creations that are not recognized by God, certainly not when it comes to the responsibility of loving and ministering to others.

God was with the people as they settled into a strange, new land.  God was with the people for the seven decades that they lived in Babylon and they learned that there was no place on this earth where they could go and be away from God.  No border or boundary would stop the love and care of God.  Whatever actions were taken by earthly kingdoms, God was with the people, and God would do what God planned to do, and nothing could change that reality and nothing could change God’s promise.

They also learned, I believe, that among the many differences between God’s kingdom and earthly kingdoms is this – earthly kingdoms enforce an outward morality and behavior while God’s kingdom seeks a change of heart.  Earthly kingdoms can use force if they deem it necessary to get what they want but God does not.  The change of heart that God brings will always rise above the use of force.  I will certainly affirm the need for an earthly kingdom to bring order, but I will recognize in a greater way that the real measure of change and working for the good comes from the change of heart that comes from God’s spirit.

3.  Know that God has a plan, and know this when times are at their most difficult.

One of the most powerful lessons learned by the people comes from verse 11.  You might have this verse on a plaque, a bookmark, a poster, or a shirt.  It is a beautiful verse that has for years encouraged many of us – “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  While many people are familiar with that beloved verse, the context of it is not commonly known, but the context, I believe, brings even more power to the verse.  It was a difficult time for the people of God, but God was still with the people, and God still had a plan.  Yes, it would be seventy years before they would return to their homeland, which meant that very few of them would ever again see their homes.  Some would be born in Babylon, live in Babylon all their days, and die in Babylon, never setting foot in or seeing their homeland.  The generation that would return to the homeland would be a generation that had only heard stories of their homeland, and upon setting foot in that land would find it to be a strange, unknown land.  Seventy years is a long time, but it is a very small moment in the span of God’s plan.  It can be easy to forget, in the midst of difficulty, that God’s plan is always at work.  We can be overwhelmed by difficulty to the point that we cannot see beyond our difficulty, and that must certainly have been true during the time of captivity.  God was, however, faithful to the people, and even as they were in captivity there were important lessons they learned and blessings they received.

When the late Fred Craddock was the acting dean for a brief time at Phillips Theological Seminary, a woman from the community came to see him. She asked him to come out to the parking lot, which made him a bit nervous, but he went. She opened the back door of her automobile, and slumped in the back seat was her brother. He had been a senior at the University of Oklahoma, but a tragic car accident had left him in a coma for eight months. She had quit her job as a school teacher to take care of him.

At this point almost all of their resources were exhausted. She said to Dr. Craddock, I would like for you to heal him. Can you imagine? What would you say? Dr. Craddock responded, Well, I can pray for him. And I can pray with you. But I do not have the gift of healing. The woman got behind the wheel and said, before driving off, then what in the world do you do?

(https://baptistnews.com/article/what-can-we-learn-from-being-offended/#.W4n1vFci4ks)

I share that story because of the question the woman asked Dr. Craddock – what in the world do you do?  I want to put a different emphasis, however, on those words.  What will we do, in this world?  Whether or not we have the gift of physical healing, we have the gift of spiritual healing we can bring to the world.  What in the world do we do? What, in this world, will we do in relation to the divisions?  Will we help to heal them?  God does indeed have a plan, and however much it might seem that everything is falling apart, however bad things might appear, God is the one who is not only the creator of this world but also the one who will decide its ultimate destiny and asks us to be part of the process of healing those divisions.