I
Corinthians 13:1-13
I have been following the story about Beyonce and her lip-synching
at the inaugural with great interest, and it has prompted me to make a
confession this morning – on occasion I have lip-synched my sermons.
Our Scripture passage for this morning is one I make a practice of
using a few times a year. We
should probably read it every week – I Corinthians 13.
Last week I began with a disclaimer and I will add another one this
week. When speaking about
relationships I have to confess that I have some fractured relationships in my
life. I have some relationships
that could use some work. I’m
going to assume that I’m not the only one here this morning that needs to work
on some relationships.
Relationships are at the very heart of our lives, and I can’t think
of anything that affects us as much as our relationships. When our relationships are healthy,
life is good and we are happy; when our relationships are unhealthy, life is
not so good we are unhappy.
The reality is that at any given time most of us have a mixture of
healthy and unhealthy relationships. Hopefully, most of our relationships are
healthy, but I don’t know if there is anyone who doesn’t have a few
relationships that could use some improvement. If all of your relationships are fine you are truly
fortunate, or perhaps you’re not being honest with yourself.
This morning, reminding you again that I am not an expert in
relationships, I will offer some things to consider about keeping your
relationships healthy –
1. Relationships must
be nurtured by time. To put it in
the language of finances, if relationships were a bank, and time was the
currency, how healthy would be your balance? In today’s hyper-busy world, time is a very precious
commodity, but relationships starved of time become very difficult to keep
healthy. Next week, we’ll talk in
more detail about time.
2. It’s never too late
to say I’m sorry. They are not easy words to say, but we
must learn how to say them. I know
those words are hard to get out, but most of us probably have someone in our
lives who need to hear us say I’m sorry. There are some people who have waited
years to hear those words.
Yesterday, Tanya convinced me to go to the movie Quartet. I have got to
convince her to see more movies with aliens! It was okay, but one scene was particularly interesting, and
really, the most interesting part was not on the screen, but in the audience. One character confessed to the other
that the way she treated someone was the biggest mistake of her life. The person she had treated badly
overheard her make that confession.
What was interesting was the stillness in the theater. It’s rarely still and quiet in a movie
theater these days. Someone is
always messing with their popcorn or slurping their drink, but during that
scene it was completely still throughout the theater. It was the kind of stillness where you know something has
touched a deep nerve. I wondered
how many people in that theater needed to hear, or to say, the words I’m sorry.
3. Communication must
remain open. Far too often I see
couples, in particular, who fail to keep communication open and healthy. Over time, they close off parts their
relationship from healthy communication.
As time passes there are some areas of the relationship where conflict
exists, and as they become weary of conflict they close off those areas as a
way of avoiding further conflict.
While it is certainly understandable why people would want to avoid
conflict, this does not bring health to a relationship. When areas of conflict are pushed to
the margins and not discussed, there is the danger of bitterness creeping into
the relationship.
4. Differences between
people are a gift, not a problem.
The old phrase that opposites attract
is very accurate to all kinds of relationships. Tanya and I are very different people. We have different points of view. We don’t always agree on
everything. But none of this is a
negative. In fact, the differences
in a relationship – be it a marriage or a friendship – is positive. The differences between spouses, for
instance, can be very healthy. One
person may be very structured while the other is very spontaneous. We need structure in our lives, but a
measure of spontaneity is wonderful as well. The difference between those two perspectives can bring a
healthy balance in a relationship.
5. Compromise is not a
negative. Every relationship needs
a measure of compromise. If one
person insists on having their way all the time, the result is going to be an
unhealthy relationship.
6. Love is the basis of
relationships. Love is a great
gift. Most of us, while we may
have many acquaintances, will have only a few deep, loving relationships. To love, and be loved, is God’s great
gift. Appreciate the love you
receive. Appreciate the gift of
loving another person. When Paul
penned the words to I Corinthians 13 he was tremendously inspired by God. He prefaces the chapter with the final
words of chapter 12 as he writes and now
I will show you a more excellent way.
He had just finished writing about variety within the church and how
those differences can sometimes bring division. That spurred him to write of how love is the most important
foundation for our relationships.
It is the absolute foundation, and trumps everything else, and if you
really want to build a great foundation read, and live verses 4 – 8, where Paul
writes Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rue, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered. It keeps
no record of wrongs. Love does not
delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always
perseveres. Love never fails. If you can live those verses you will transform
all your relationships.
7. Don’t live with
guilt and regret. Some people live
for years with guilt and regret because of struggles in relationships. Don’t allow guilt and regret to bring
pain to you life. If necessary, go
back and read #2 (It’s never too late to say I’m sorry).
8. Encourage people to
be who God wants them to be, not who you want them to be.
My parents did not push my siblings and I in any particular
vocational direction. What we did
with our lives was our decision.
They didn’t try to tell us how we should live our lives and let us make
the major decisions about our lives.
They would offer advice when we asked, of course, but they did not try
to shape our lives for us.
Some people don’t have that good fortune. Some people feel a great deal of pressure from family and
friends to be what the family and friends believe they should be. But we are created in God’s image, and
we must encourage others to reflect that image, and not ours. We don’t need to be in the business of
trying to make someone reflect our image.
9. Love is the one only
thing we can multiply by giving away.
Share your love freely.
Give it away. You can run
out of time and money, but you cannot run out of love. Love is a great gift because we
actually gain more as we give it away.
I don’t always express my gratitude and love as I should to the
people I love, and who love me.
But I am exceedingly grateful for the relationships in my life. My life has been so enriched by my
relationships. And it’s especially
interesting to me how relationships come to us. One relationship leads to another, that leads to another,
and on and on.
When I met Tanya, I never saw it coming. We met in January of 1978. My good friend, Kim Frazier, and I stopped in Hardin Hall
after leaving the fieldhouse one evening.
Tanya was there with a friend, and Kim introduced us. Tanya was actually interested in Kim,
and decided that if she got to know me better it would help her get his
attention. I haven’t seen him in
years and would love to find him (not that I have a score to settle with him)
and I often wonder where he is and how he is doing. I’ve searched Facebook and on the internet for him but I
can’t find him. I would love to
find him and tell him I am grateful to
know you, and I am very grateful for how our relationship led me to Tanya.
Meeting Tanya meant that I also eventually met her parents. I was really nervous about meeting them, and I’m sure I didn’t make a great impression on them, and that says more about me than it does them. Some of you know what that’s like when someone knocks on your door because they are interested in your child – that’s a big moment, isn’t it? Before you get too worked up about who is coming to see your child, don’t forget when you knocked on someone’s door and that you may have created some anxiety.
Tanya's parents have been kind of saints to me, because they were
very nice to me, even though I gave very little evidence of how providing much
of a life for her. They grew to
love me because their daughter loved me.
And that opened up another family to me, and it brought the great gift
of our children into my life.
Tell someone I love you. Today. Thank God for the relationships you have.
No comments:
Post a Comment